Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy (at least I think that's his name)

***I will probably be sharing some deep thoughts in the next few weeks, so if that isn't your type of reading then visit me again in a couple of week. I think I need the therapy that writing brings. I won't be hurt :-) sometimes I just want to read inspirational posts, sometimes I just want visual eye candy, and sometimes I really want to know how people feel deep down. So I understand :-)***

Today well really right now, I am feeling this intense sadness like I want to cry. I don't think it is over walking away from job as much as feeeling empty because I am not sure what to do next. I don't regret my choice, but I also don't know what's next. Not sure if I want to be called brave or if I want to be babied and cajoled. Just not sure. And I think it is the uncertainess that is weighing me down. It is too early to worry about not finding a job, I have only been applying for a week. I know God provides and that he will place something in my path. But I feel anxious as if ready to move forward. But I can't because I don't know what I am moving toward.



This is a sharp contrast to how I started my morning or maybe it was a prelude. But this morning I felt done. I felt like it should be the end of May now. I felt like I was ready to close this part of my life and start on something new. I was ready to move forward. Maybe the quiet time I spent alone this afternoon made me realize that I didn't know where I was going. If it is not obvious, I don't like feeling lost and I don't like living what I can't plan. I am not a control freak, but I do like to see my boundaries. Reach out and touch them every now and then, maybe even cross the line with my toe. But now, but now I can't see the line, don't know that it is there, and feel free and trapped by the unknown at the same time.



Anyway, I guess I will just move on. Here are my deep thoughts like Jack Handy from Saturday Night Live. At least I think that's what his name is :-) I think I just need to get my thoughts out, so I can collect them and rearrange them and find what works for me. But to be honest, I think I wanted to get them down so that when I go to document this life change, I will have the journaling to use on my layout. LOL, always thinking like a scrapper :-)



ciao