Today

Weekend was fine, we made it back safely. I enjoy Rob's mom and learning more about his family. They are very open people.

Sat at my job today and spent the entire time trying not to cry or lose it. This behavior prompted me to search for other jobs, which inturn prompted me to feel trapped. You may think that the more degrees you have, the more options that are open to you. This is not always the case depending on your field of learning. My dislike for my job is growing. I spent the majority of last year trying to get through and debating on if I should resign my contract for the new year. I even wrote my thesis paper on how to retain teachers and how to rejuvenate your passion for the job. I signed my contract thinking that it was just where I was in my career. The education field has the greatest teacher turn over rate at the 4-5 year mark. I have been teaching 4 1/2 years. I thought I would give it one more year. Part of me regrets doing that. The problem is that I am good at my job, I love the concept of my job, and it is all I have ever wanted to do. I just don't know what I would do if I didn't teach, so I feel trapped. Some of my friends think I am crazy to want to quit b/c I have a knack for what I do. Teaching is second nature, but I don't enjoy it anymore. I am not enjoying the kids, the paperwork, the constant pressure, administrative directives, and generally the overall flow of the education world. I could quit, but what on earth would I do that pays me as well as I am paid now (I make more than some college professors who taught me). What would I do with all this specialized education that I have? What else would I enjoy doing day after day? What else is my passion? I have alot of questions that I need to answer. It is so hard to answer them from my spirit and not based on fear or insecurity.